I am throwing away her letters, burning the ones which seem most threatening--throwing away my journal entries as well.

I just cannot believe in her anymore.

She has praised and encouraged me, promising . . . so much. I cannot continue to believe in someone who only communicates through the mail. That is too ridiculous. I cannot continue to believe in . . . someone . . . who does not exist . . .

Dear John,

Shine quietly:

like you were when valedictorian,

like you were when _____ opened yourself up to me for the first time;

you will always see, and know me when you do,

. . . have no doubt--

you have always

. . . and always will

listen to me.

P.J.

. . . Flaherty. Certificate of birth reads: Paul John Flaherty.