sugar skin

Mornings come and I'm afraid. Reaching over, life to life, feeling sugar skin, I want your eyes to open. But I'm afraid your heart was dropped and gone from sight. Last night you said, Hey there, Mr. Talk-too-much. Everything is dripping, burning the words you use. I don't know how to speak to you. (This is just too many things mixed in together for an explanation. Take it at face value, it's from a song used for my own purposes.)

Just the other night we were walking past some old houses. You said that you wanted to build a new one. But it just didn't feel right. I pulled you down onto the floor, atop the yellow blanket; you tasted so like the child you are. (This idea initially came from walking through a new housing development late at night just thinking about people and things. By seeing these houses I wanted to build one for myself so that I would have something. So the idea changed and I thought back to Veronica when we were at my parents house and she was talking about having a house. Owning a house was also something really important to another girlfriend of mine and it was something we talked about as far as different styles and what each person wanted in a house. So in my mind we walked through an older section of town and then wandered into the houses being built adjacent to these older ones. Through conflicting emotions on a rollercoaster ride of love I couldn't really talk about new houses and the future. I didn't understand where we were at so how could we move on to something more. So instead we made love on the second floor of a partially built house with the moonlight shining on us.)

You said that we are two very strange and our love is like opening your eyes in the morning, tired, sleepy, and not quite alive. (She is full of contradictions. One night she is having visions of a future together with longings and desires of creating something more. The next day she doesn't see anything that she did the night before and her words of the previous night hold no meaning for her. When she says "We are two very strange", it's meant more to be left in words and never spoken for the meaning is double. Part of it is that 'two' people are very alike but they are so different sometimes even when they'll want the same thing. The other part is that just being together isn't a good situation and both people know this.)

I remember waiting for calls, which never came or would. Mornings wasted, sunlight gone, thinking I would be young. If I kept you by my side one more time... (This part doesn't really fit but comes from waiting for someone to call when they came back into town after leaving for a couple of days. Right before she left they had talked about going out the night she returned. She said she would call the first thing. When the call never came that day or the next, I figured if she really meant what she said she would have called so I never did try to contact her. It wasn't my suggestion to go out or to call. Most likely it is just reading into other peoples words and the way they look at you. I originally wrote this with the last sentence just trailing off without completing the thought. In my mind this was ending with an unspoken longing or desire of wanting to feel young, hoping things would have worked out, and wondering what is really going on.)

Laying next to you, under the starlit sky, bluegrass music was playing while your friend ate barbecue and you only looked up. What do you see when you look to the sky? I look into your eyes and wonder how come I'm not there. I feel your fingers close on mine and I hear you whisper words so dear. But nothing is echoed within your eyes. The first time I met you, you were not alone. You said you didn't do very well alone. Didn't you know you did it all before? (This is a pretty self-explanatory paragraph as far as the meaning of it. Someone is still with you even though they don't love you anymore, when their actions and words just don't say the same things. When you initially met this person you knew she wasn't going to be in your world very much longer. But you try, because isn't that how it always is?)

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