I shivered, even though the night and the inside of the car were warm.

I pulled out my wallet and counted how much cash I had left. Eighty bucks. I wondered if it would be enough.

Girl walking, swinging her purse. Fingers clenching the steering wheel. I wiped my hands on my jeans. Come on, I told myself, stop being so stupid. I was shaking, my teeth were chattering. I drove slowly past her. She looked at me, short blond hair, tall. I neared the end of the street and turned right. Was she one of them?

I circled the block and came up her street again. I could tell she was watching. Fuck it, man. I could do it, I had to see.

I pulled to the curve next to her. She walked right over and tried to get in my car. The door was locked and I had to flip the latch open and then she was in, door shut, and me driving. I didn't look at her, God what was I doing, this seemed so wrong, the whole night, stupid sex dream fantasies, I don't understand them, I thought I knew why I was doing this, but now I don't.

I just don't.

Her hand touched me.

I looked at her. My eyes felt wide, scared maybe. I tried to relax. She wore a skirt and a thin shirt and high heels and too bright lipstick.

"Hi," I said, not knowing what else to say.

"Hi," she said.

I looked at the road. There was a cop at the corner. Heart goes big thump and thwack. It would be just beautiful to wind up in jail from this. I looked quickly at her, back at the cop, unsure what to do, just keep driving maybe?

"Don't worry," she patted my shoulder. "That's just Sarge. He doesn't care."

"Care about what?"

"You know," she purred, I mean it was a low husky sound, I couldn't believe someone would try talking like that. "Us."

I drove past the cop. I almost thought he winked, the little crazies pulling a few more sucker punches in my head. Wow, I wonder what odor my adrenaline gave to me.

She wasn't that pretty. She was like a girl that I knew once that I never wanted to talk to and never did for fear that she wouldn't stop talking to me. This girl wasn't ugly, she wasn't fat, and I think I felt a bit sick in my stomach because I was kind of seeing clear for the first time, as I came to grips with where I was.

She was looking at me rather weird. Probably because I wasn't talking, I was just thinking, you know?

"Hi," I said again.

She laughed. "My name's Jen, what's yours?"

I didn't want to tell her my name. Then again, what did it matter. I told her. She shrugged.

"So, silly, what would you like to do?"

"Do? Uhh, I'm not sure." Now that I was here I wondered if I was going to go through with this.

"There's a hotel around here that we can get for an hour. Ten bucks. I can blow you for twenty, fuck for forty." She put her hand on my leg. "It's all up to you."

A tiny bit of sex want surged through me and I squashed it. I didn't need this anymore. This wasn't beauty, this wasn't even sex!

She gave me a friendly push. "What are you so worried about? I'm not a cop or anything. Here, I'll show you."

She unzipped her skirt, lifted it away, and moved aside the little g-string thingy that she was wearing. Her fingers plunged into herself.

"Cops can't show themselves," she told me. "That's how you can always be sure you've picked up the right girl."

I nodded. I could have really used a drink of water. Her hand kept playing between her legs. I watched, swerved too close to the curve, and she giggled.

"Come on, let's go to the hotel. You can fuck me and it'll be a lot of fun."

I knew I couldn't continue with this.

"Look at me, I'm getting wet down here." She brought her fingers up near my mouth. I shrank away some, but she pressed close and wiped them on my lips. Pussy taste. My nose was filled with her smell. I had to get out of there.

"I think I've changed my mind," I mumbled.

"What?"

"I don't want to do this anymore. I've got a girlfriend, and at first this seemed like the thing to do, but now . . ."

"You can't back out now." She seemed upset. "You've made me horny and shit. We're going to drive to that hotel, and your going to fuck me, and that's what were going to do, okay?"

"I can't. I just can't." I felt terrible.

"You have to!" Her voice was louder. "I need to eat, you know."

"I'll drop you back where you were." I said, and started heading in that direction.

"This is just great," she said.

"I'm sorry."

"Do you think I'm ugly or something?"

I lied. "No, I think you're very pretty. I just can't do this. I've changed my mind."

She shook her head. "I'm still fucking horny."

I didn't say anything.

She whipped herself around in the seat and stared at me, her eyes intense. "If you're not going to have me I'll just get off myself."

Her hand moved back between her thighs, stroking, probing, touching female. I fled into my head and screamed silently and ran back out before anyone could see. The girl, Jen, breathed deeper and deeper until we approached the block where I had picked her up.

I don't know if she came, or not.

"You can let me off here," she said, still miffed.

I stopped the car. As she opened the door, I put my hand on her shoulder. "Wait a second."

I took out my wallet, pulled out twenty dollars, and gave it to her.

"So you can eat," I said quietly.

She leaned to me and kissed my cheek. "Thanks."

And then she was gone.