In previous episodes of ukL, MvB had traveled from A2, MI to some undisclosed location inside of TX at a specific time (t) and is currently on his way home. At this space-time intersection (tx), MvB philosophizes about toads, arguments, and when to tip big.

Hello again. It is now 60 miles North East since the last time I wrote. The temperature had gone from a 100 degrees to 75. The sun is nowhere in sight and it is pouring down rain. It is extremely windy. I am currently holed up underneath an overpass at the highway with a rather large toad. He or she looks like this: frog art by Frank Allison

I've never been one for accurate drawings. There is much thunder and lightning. There are other toads here. How many I cannot say. It is difficult to write in these conditions. Perhaps I take a
picture of them. I may try to
take a nap.

Well, I'm listening. It's an argument between two people. A man/boy and a woman/girl. She is married and divorced or soon to be divorced, I'm not sure. He is saying "sorry." She says "starts Saturday and Monday" several times. She says the word "jealous." I'm sitting right in front of them, facing them. I look up and see them, they look up and see me. this writing must be driving them crazy. Not any more, though. They started talking cutesy talk and kissed several times. It sounds as though he must wait more than a week before he can fuck her again. I'm in a sleazy little diner called "Cheekas" of all stupid things. Now he says he's hungry "What's good here" he says to the waitress. The waitress is the one sitting next to him on his right. She is the one who gave me the ashtray. She is not the one who gave me the food. The diner is in southern Illinois, not 20 miles from the Missouri border. It is 10:23 P.M. my TIME. The guy has tattoos. He appears to be an idiot. Most people in Southern Illinois are. Here are the options the way I see it.

M: Well, I didn't even fuck her. Everyone says I did though.

Waitress who has sat down: Now I hate that word.

W: Do you? That one never bothered me.

M: Well, I never did have intercourse with her.

-- laughter. Well deserved, too. This is funny!

M: Man, I ain't done that girl. It's just that everyone thinks I did.

W: I wish you wouldn't refer to it as that. I hate that "done her,"
"done her up," I hate that, man.

Option 1: I could say in a normal speech voice the following: Listen bitch, why don't you drop that white trash mother fucker and have a much better time with a real man (pointing to myself). After all, if your dumping your husband, you might as well do it right.

Option 2: Read the last page and a half out loud in a normal speaking voice.

Option 3: Pay my bill. Tip fucking big, and blow out of here quick. Head NE.

Since option 2 includes option 3, its certainly the most severe of the three. I wonder if I would live to read the whole thing. Possibly. Well, I'm off for option 3. Bye.

This ends yet another installment of an unknown Legend. Next month catch von Bulstecomit back in Denny's making his final journal entry.

Issue # 8 contents Praise Bob Next